There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
