I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
