$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is my gift to your gina
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
