so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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