let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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