Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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