i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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