what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
