I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
