You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
