I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
