Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
