Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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