I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
