Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
