You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
