he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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