"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
