I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
