its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
