Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
