there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
