No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
