That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
