He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
