Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
