Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
