Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My dick has a subreddit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
