I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
