Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
