Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm like, not good at living.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
