textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
