Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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