Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
