i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
