yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
