On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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