I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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