It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
