apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
