I love black thongs
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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