i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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