Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
