my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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