Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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