Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
