remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
