he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
