Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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