I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
